Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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