Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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