I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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