His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
