I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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