4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
