It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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