they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
