I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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