You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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