8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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