all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
