I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
