2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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