Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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