I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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