she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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