so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
