Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
