my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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