i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
