who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
