It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize