My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
