do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
