You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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