Michael Bay diarrhea
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
