She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
