Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
