i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize