Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
