I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
