I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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