I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
