It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
