i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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