well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I skipped work to stalk him.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
