He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
