FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
