Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
