His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
