Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
