i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
