There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
