Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
