Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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