Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He passed out mid-signature
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
