I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
