You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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