The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
