Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
and you fell through a lawn chair
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
