my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
