I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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