I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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