Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
