I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
