The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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