Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
