You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
