yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
