You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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